from stabbing shoulder pain to stabbing (bitch) boss

Some salt ‘n’ pepper, a smidge of sage and a sprinkle of rosemary. Today’s post is a hodgepodge — but not particularly spicy in the way of, say,

* I didn’t get the job at the humane society. I’m partly disappointed. I love animals and the pay’s better than my current 10 cents above minimum wage.

And I’m partly relieved. Returning to a 40-hour workweek at this old-lady age isn’t desired or relished unless it’s in my career. Actually it’d be a 45-hour week when including the required 1-hour lunch. That’s a LOT of time at a jobsite and with the commute a good part of the day gone.

* I’m in chronic constant pain from the left shoulder injury. Pain from morning through night. It’s really affecting my well-being and tasks at the job. Have you tried cleaning hotel rooms with one hand — and as Speedy Gonzales to boot?! Doesn’t work! So all I can do is push through the pain, creating further injury.

It’s also badly affected my sleep. The pain’s constant, can’t sleep on the left side or even turn without shock waves and spasms radiating through the shoulder and along the back, neck and arm. Sometimes I must use my (good) right hand to position the left arm.

I’m like the bird with the damaged wing. The cause of the chronic sharp pain is difficult to ascertain but we (practitioner and I) suspect shoulder nerve impingement, a result of neck & shoulder displacement caused by bad beds.

It’s got me so down. I’ll be needing to increase the treatments from the once-every-two-weeks recommended by bd to maybe once every 7-10 days. Every two weeks can’t accomplish recovery and in fact is making matters worse by adding to injury through work and life.

Monday I go in for treatment #2. Hopefully ground lost in these past two weeks will be gained and we can put the brakes on the degeneration.

* I’ve been really really down. The crippled shoulder is DEFINITELY a huge reason why. Living in round-the-clock sharp pain and immobility is a huge reason why.

* The job market is hardly bursting with opportunity. Not that it really matters at this point. No matter whether I’m at my current job or another, the use of both arms and shoulders is necessary.

A bird with a crippled wing cannot perform or fly. I wish I could get my arm back. I’m hurting a lot externally and on the inside.

* Not to be overlooked is that this injury has been going on since late last year. It is exhausting. I am exhausted by pain and body dysfunction.

Guess I didn’t have the newsy mishmash that I thought. Everything’s experienced through the lens of a broken wing.

I’m tired and grumpy from sleep that’s of poor quality and severe pain.

* One tidbit of good news: I’m drinking my daily smoothies pretty consistently (missing no more than a day or two at a time) as well as eating better overall than I have in a long, long time. I’m also taking a s**tload of supplements & herbs to assist my health.

This nerve impingement however is killing me. I’d wish this on no one. Not even Vickie A., my worst nemesis and former boss at the Idaho paper. For her, I’d wish nerve impingement in BOTH shoulders! {Hahaha, kidding; maybe. 😉 } Some people just get under your skin and you can never get ’em out until you’ve shed that skin in death. Or forgiveness.

Done for the day, adios. And to Vickie A., wherever you are (cuz I know you’re no longer in Idaho), I just wanna say what I never got to say:

*You’re the meanest boss I ever had. And I’ve had a LOT of bosses! You were cold and cruel to me personally while “warm ‘n’ fuzzy” to others. You singled me out for god knows what reasons and you made my life there a living hell.

By rearranging the cubicle seating, you separated me from my two friends and only support. You ISOLATED me. You did this deliberately and intentionally.

Well, fuck you! for fucking up a good thing and destroying what little comfort and happiness I had in Idaho. I’m not responsible for your comeuppance and karma. However, know that it is coming, if not now, eventually.

YOU were a huge part of the reason I got out of newspaper editing. I never wanted to have a fucking bitch of a boss again.

And guess what. I haven’t.

I dare not condemn you to Hades; that not only gets me nowhere but draws to me further suffering and I don’t need that.

Instead, Vickie A., I turn your issues back over to YOU. Your treatment of me was YOUR crap, not mine. I forgive and release you to your own path and Light.

I let you do me no more harm {you’ve done quite enough in the past 10 years}. I wish you growth. I wish myself healing and ONLY good female bosses and the freedom to fly again.


p.s. whoa! from stabbing shoulder pain to stabbing boss … had no idea this post would go there!