This damn trumped-up and overhyped pandemic has taken a toll on each of us.
Individual characters, individual stories, individual circumstances. Crisis or not, that’s life.
Not gonna play catch up since this all came down. Not gonna retrace my steps or bullet-point the volume of Pandemic / Lockdown material.
Instead, I will share what has singularly impacted me and stayed with me the most in this past month. A picture speaks a thousand words.
Have not seen one roll of toilet paper for a month.
Some 12 markets in total. Different neighborhoods and times of day.
Not. One. Goddamn. Fucking. Roll. Ever. Anywhere.
That factoid’s not what slices my heart.
It’s what’s behind it, aka the rest of the story. Or True Story, in this instance.
It is people hoarding.
No. Dig Deeper.
It is Greed. It is Unabashed and Unmitigated Selfishness.
It’s communist Mother Russia on the shelves. Yet there is no reason or CAUSE for it.
As I’ve blogged before, all supplies for manufacturing and delivering toilet paper ARE STILL PRESENT. Ain’t like the forests all fucking burned down. Ain’t like delivery trucks are garaged.
There is but ONE AND ONLY ONE reason why shelves are stripped bare.
Goddamn fucking Greed. One of the 7 Deadly Sins, speaking of Easter.
That’s the True Story in that photo of decimated shelves. Soo so so so so many times I’ve gone into markets — sometimes 4 in a day — looking for toilet paper.
Not even for me. For others. To donate. Especially to elderly and disabled who are the first to be ripped to shreds by the Shark Tank that is People.
That’s the Belly Punch. Trying to help others from pure compassion. And I can’t.
I’ve felt deep despair going into markets to gather supplies for others.
And I’ve been defeated. For a month.
One question philosophically comes to mind, one that I dare not venture to address in a blog:
WHY THE FUCK BE GOOD IN LIFE?
The Vicious the Selfish the Greedy the Self-Serving Win Every Time. Perhaps they don’t win the battle but they WILL and DO win the war.
Time and time and day and day again those same stripped shelves greet me. I think of elderly who can’t get their wrinkly hard-working hands on ONE roll of toilet paper.
And I understand how vigilantes are born.
We are a people in peril.
God, that motherfucker, can’t help, rather won’t.
Jesus, eh, believe as you wish.
Nothing and No Body alters the truth:
People are horrible. Not all of them. However, even a handful or two can destroy a nation and its people.
I despair not because of the absence of toilet paper (that I seek to buy for others) but because People Are Shit: In their Greed Selfishness and Utter Disregard for Others.
THAT is why I despair at Mother Russia-like Shelves Stripped Bare.
I’m supremely empathetic. I feel it all, human suffering always have.
And this raw uninterrupted exposure to human Greed … Selfishness … WHEN THERE IS NO CAUSE OR REASON! … WE’RE NOT MOTHER RUSSIA STRIPPED OF TREES! ….
This is my most poignant and pointed experience in this pandemic.
I despair at fellow man.
I AM ASHAMED TO BE PART OF THE HUMAN RACE.
NONE of this did I create. NONE of this can I fix.
When evil triumphs — and it does — what then is the point of existing? Or applying all our will to survive against those Dark Forces?
Happy Easter. Yeah, right. Because people are so damn good?!?!
I’m defeated by people.
I am defeated.