Waving a white flag to White Castle

I don’t do drive-thru’s.

Not when it’s 115 degrees (46.1 C) — which it is for a solid two months here in Phoenix, Arizona.

Not during wild monsoons — which are supposed to happen June-September but this year we got gypped, hence the “Nonsoons” moniker.

Not even if the drive-thru’s wide open.

Only one thing makes me go through: the lobby’s closed. I got no choice. And truth be told, even then more often than not I’ll skip the drive-thru ’cause of the line.

There’s no fast-food or beverage I want or need enough to make me wait in a line of more than 3 cars max.

So I was blown away, though not surprised, when I read this today:

“More than 24 hours after the record-setting opening of the world’s largest White Castle, the first in Arizona, a line of hungry fans snaked from the fast-food chain’s counter out the front door and into the parking lot.”

Okay, I know. Blogged on it yesterday. Continue:

“As the sun began to set on the restaurant’s second day of business, a queue of cars partly blocked traffic on nearby streets. Fortunately for those driving in the area … multiple police officers were on hand to maintain order.”

Well, least they got cops in place. Someone was usin’ his noggin. Continue:

“That line, however, was not for the drive-thru. It was a lane where cars could enter the parking lot to get into another line for the drive-thru, where customers faced an approximately two-hour wait.”

Let me repeat:

“That line, however, was not for the drive-thru. It was a lane where cars could enter the parking lot to get into another line for the drive-thru.”

WHY. THE. HELL. would anyone do that? Choose that? Endure that?

And for what?!

Ain’t like White Castle was handing out plots in Atherton, California, where vacant and residential land ranges from $6,750,000 to $6.9 million (CAD $8,815,837 to $9.1 million) — without a house!!

Where a 1.43-acre property recently sold for $6.9 million.

Ain’t like White Castle was gifting every customer a Ferrari.

Or sodas laced with gold flakes.

Or a lifetime of free burgers.

They swarmed indeed like locusts for a meal. For that day. That’s all.

I still don’t get it any more today than in yesterday’s post.

I seriously do not know what tick is in the brains of people who can, will and do wait in line for 2 hours … 10 hours … 2 days … 4 days … for ANYTHING — in this case fast-food for god’s sake!

If you can proffer an opinion, I’d be interested!

I’ve pondered this quite a bit in my lifetime.

I think it might come down to mob mentality.

That. Terrifies Me.

In a burning building, I’d be infinitely more afraid of being utterly disregarded, unseen and trampled to death by my fellow human beings than dying by smoke inhalation.

Ditto open public spaces where something terrible erupts — be it a force of nature (i.e. lightning strikes, flooding) or manmade (i.e., terrorist attack).

People en masse frighten the fuck outta me.

I’ve SEEN what they’re capable of.  We’ve all read stories like rock concerts turned fatal.

I want NO PART of human swarms and stampedes. In this lifetime or any other!

Let me iterate so the universe hears me unequivocally loud ‘n’ clear: I want NO PART of human swarms and stampedes. In this lifetime or any other!

Even a somewhat crowded store causes me to flee to the sidelines. Or exit door.

So observations inform me that those who can wait for days and hours and smush one another for something — be it burgers or Black Friday — are equally capable of stampeding.

I’m not that person in any event.

Guess it goes without saying that I won’t be paying a visit to White Castle in Scottsdale, Arizona, any time soon.

Not even a free multimillion-dollar acre of land in (barf) California could entice me into those hordes and wait times!

So I’m waving the white surrender flag to White Castle for a good long while.

So it remains me ‘n’ you, babe, In-N-Out Burger. Lobby please. No drive-thru.

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