I’m free! I’m free! I’m free! I’m free!
Not really. Hardly. Hardly at all.
I’m free — for the moment — of my roommate. He’s off on an overseas trip for nearly 3 weeks.
Three weeks!! A glorious 20 days or so free of his lordship. He who lords over me in the home. Lord George.
His absence brings more than R-E-L-I-E-F.
More than breathing space — and, honestly, it gets no more basic than breath, n’est pas?
His absence marks the imminent end of my tenancy (a rented room in his house) by Jan. 31.
I’m still looking for new digs. Still searching for a rental room. Hardly my first choice. Finances dictate. My town’s skyrocketing rental rates dictate.
Can’t but wonder whether my town’ll dictate my departure altogether! Time’ll tell soon.
Living with George has been no walk on the beach. Or in the park. In the trees or along the boardwalk. Pick your pleasure.
Living with him reminds, however, that my highest strength is also my curse: Endurance.
I endure because it is Survival. It’s about survival. It’s always been about survival for reasons deeply rooted in earliest life experiences.
Hence my tendency is to stay in stinky situations too long.
One of the life’s hardest lessons for me has been: Staying too long in a situation — enduring it — does not improve the situation.
I’ve learned through brutal experience that there IS such a thing as beating a dead horse.
I’ve learned that the only person being harmed when giving your own life to revive the horse harms no one but me.
I continue, through hard, sometimes brutal experiences still, this Law of Life:
When it’s time to go, it’s time to go. Overstaying a situation does NOT improve it. It only gets worse.
This, my readers, has been and continues to be one of my hardest lessons this lifetime.
Because ultimately I’m all about Survival.
I hunker down when it’d be better to let go.
I shut down to cope with whatever shit’s being thrown my way.
I internalize. I seethe. I get depressed, suicidal.
My health goes south. Sometimes so dramatically that health issues become more pressing than the very situation that’s causing them!
By Jan. 31 — my exit date from this — it’ll be 5 months living here with George. About 3 months too long.
Overstaying a situation does not improve it! A situation that needs to end is not like wine! It does NOT improve with age!
That’s all I gotta say.
Well, that and YEY! YEY! YEY!!!
He’s away. But this mouse doth not play.
I’m still under enormous stress and pressure to find new digs. Meanwhile, with Lord George away, I can at least breathe.
What a gift. Breath.