Move over, Elmer Fudd!

You’ve got company.

Would you date a girl with an obnoxious laugh?

(Or a guy? But let’s stay real. Males generally don’t produce annoying sounds that females do.)

Obnoxious meaning high-pitched, squirrel-y gunfire bursts of sound somewhere between giggles and laughter . That rapid-fire rat-a-tat-tat-tat ear-bleeding pitch that only dogs should be able to hear.

You see the “Seinfeld” episode where Jerry’s dating a girl, Naomi, with a laugh like”Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer”? Classic line, that!

Obnoxious Laugher on Seinfeld

Naomi, Obnoxious Laugher on “Seinfeld”

Just so happens that Naomi’s Twin Flame is at the cafe where I like to write in peace. So much for serenity tonight.

Naomi’s Twin Flame looks about 24. She’s chatting with a gal-pal around the same age.

Her gal-pal is sane, judging by her way of speaking and laughing.

Naomi’s Twin Flame however is not.

First, she laughs way too often. Like Russell’s dating interest on “Rules of Engagement.” The LOL Girl laughs at EVERYTHING. Every text Russell sends, everything he or anyone says.

“How’s the weather?” laughlaughlaugh.  “I went to the market today.” laughlaughlaugh. “I love your shirt!” laughlaughlaugh.

She’s so annoying that he actually dumps her rather than sleep with her. Rare for the Hound that he is!

So Naomi’s Twin Flame laughs too much. You can tell by watching. Her gal-pal doesn’t look THAT funny or their interchanges that entertaining.

Naomi’s Twin Flame laughs are piercing staccato rapid-fire high-pitched ear-bleeding bursts of hysteria. Audible from one end of the cafe to the other.

So fucking annoying — nee, painful — to listen to over and over and over that I packed up my stuff and relocated to the furtherest table away.

Still ain’t far enough!

“Put in earbuds,” you might suggest.

Guess what. Already in! Volume cranked to the max on both earbuds and Pandora.

BFD as the acronym goes.

Naomi’s Twin Flame is a Siren.  Siren not as in the woman or or winged creature whose singing lures unwary sailors onto rocks. Siren as in the blazing song emanating from a police car.

Honestly, I came here for a nice relaxing light dinner and an Americano with inarguably the best espresso in town. A treat I allow myself a time or two a week.

It’s been about 1-1/2 hours listening to her and I am exhausted. Exhausted.

So for the second time I packed up. And bolted to the furtherest seat away. OUTSIDE!

Ahhhhhh. Bliss! Blissful relaxation on the patio. The sounds of cars. The QUIET conversation of three patrons. The water spilling in the fountain.

It’s cool out here and breezy. I’ve got goosebumps. I need a jacket. But I’ll take frostbite over one more second of that laugh!

Even the sound of jackhammers would be soothing compared to laughs of Naomi’s Twin Flame!

Some people shouldn’t be allowed in public. Ear-Bleeders especially. She needs someone to tell her to either shut the fuck up or dial it down. WAAAAAY down. Like from 100 to 10 down.

To my opening question, I absolutely would NOT date a girl or a guy with an obnoxious Elmer-Fudd-sitting-on-a-juicer laugh.

Not even if I’m wearing these. In pure black. To go with my classic black dress and string of pearls of course.

Hearing Protection_Correct





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