Son-of-a-bitch cobra strikes again!

I’ve had it with him.

S. a coworker.

He’s a bully. A son of a bitch. A jerk. Even downright mean or cruel at times.

I have to work with him directly, one to one, as a team. It’s the nature of the job. No workaround. No alternative. He’s on one side of the glass running the radio board. I’m on the other screening calls. We work face to face, literally.

He has zero respect for me. Z-E-R-O. His issues. Not mine. His character. Some women he hates. I’m one of them.

He spits on me, energetically, when he talks to me or when the job requires us to interact.

S. isn’t only a bully. He’s also an attacker. A cobra. No insult to the reptiles.

He’s attacked me verbally and viciously at the workplace. He’s attacked me in the most innocuous or minor of matters — things over which he’d never attack other coworkers.

 

For various reasons, I cannot bring this to the attention of management. (For starters, it’d likely cost me my job, not his due to seniority.) So I’m left dealing with it alone.

I’ve received excellent intuitive counseling on how to be in his presence. Share the workspace, sometimes in passing, sometimes in mutual work shifts, five days a week.

Guidance included protection. Self-protection with white light. I’ve been doing that while driving to work. I love my job. However, when he’s there, particularly when we must work together, I do not look forward to being there. Not like I used to.

Today he struck sharply again. (S. is very moody so I never know whether he’s gonna grunt bye or sling some bullshit mean mud my way.)

The phone lines for the call-in talk show momentarily blitzed out. (Speaking of Mercury retrograde!) Through the glass, I saw him, at the control board, turn all angry and confused.

Then he shot me poison darts from his eyes.

By his meanness, you’d have thought I’d just told him I’d rammed his car.

IT WASN’T MY FAULT THAT THE PHONE LINES BLITZED OUT briefly. Or that they corrected themselves quickly.

You can’t tell S. that. In his mind, it was TOTALLY my fault. And just another of the umpteen reasons known only to him why he’s got ZERO respect for me as a human or coworker.

I’m a very very sensitive person. Very Piscean. I pick up everything and like a sponge absorb what’s thrown my way. I’m easily hurt and I hold stuff inside unless it’s very very safe to express myself to another. He is DEFINITELY NOT SAFE.

That poison dart really stung. Still stings, 1.5 hours after he shot it through that pane of glass.

I feel like I can’t protect myself enough from him.

I’m stressed for having to work with him.

I’m angry that he’s robbing me of some of the joy I felt just being there.

I’m frustrated that I must handle this on my own (without management — and yes, it really must be that way.)

I’m disappointed in myself; that even with white-light protection I still get hurt and feel pain from an unsafe son-of-a-bitch cobra.

I’ve considered, briefly and not too seriously, leaving the two shifts that we share. I’m sure he’d love that.

However, I refuse to be pushed out by that motherfucker, to put it bluntly. Plus I need the work and the $.

Running’ll solve nothing. I’d still see him 3 other days a week. So bolting: not a good solution.

I’m a person and worker of enormous goodwill in a workplace. Truly.

He just spits on that. On me. Every time. Some days worse than others.

Learning to work with this is much fun as driving nails beneath my fingernails. Actually, that might be more fun but I’m not willing to test that out!

I was upset by his action. His attitude. His TOTAL disrespect. His action was unfair. Totally disproportionate to what occurred. His attack is one of several and one of more to come. S. will not change.

I wish he’d go away (he won’t), be nice (he won’t) or at the very least show some professional courtesy (he won’t).

So this falls entirely on me. Ugh.

Learning how to feel protected and safe in the presence of a Spitting Bullying Big Cobra: a work in progress and a life lesson. It’s hard.

Oh, and sure could use some if you happen to any lying around! 🙂

antivenom

Anti-venom medicine

Ohhhhmmmm … my, Mercury’s gone reverse

Il est arrivé.

At 10. 20 a.m. Pacific Daylight Time, 1.20 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. 23 degrees Taurus.

Mercury retrograde.

So much is written, including by moi, on the Do’s and Don’ts of Mercury retro. The Planet of Communication in reverse is much maligned, misunderstood and misperceived.

Like OH THE SKY IS FALLING!!!

Not-breaking news: It’s not falling. News is:

Mercury, as ruler of Gemini, rules transportation, communication, information exchange, mental processes, thought, scheduling, things electrical and mechanical.

Think of Mercury as a connector. A plug connecting us to the external world and the internal.

In a retro, these things turn wonky. Unreliable. Unpredictable. Static-y.

A person says one thing. The other person hears something entirely different. Or misses some element.

The brain is out to lunch. So mistakes happen at work caused by inattention. The Zone Out. Even otherwise routine tasks have to be redone. Mistakes occur, corrections are required. Hiccups. Burps. Glitches. Annoyances. These are Mercury in reverse.

Fresh ventures don’t pan out. Anything begun in a Mercury retro is pockmarked by annoyances, twists and turns. Example: A job started in a retro will NOT look the same down the road. Avoid signing contracts!

The exception is if you return to a job — the actual place and employer of the past.

Sign a lease, same thing. Unless you lived in that very house/rental prior.  Occupancy will end prematurely and/or will be laced with problems that you’ll want to move. Noisy obnoxious neighbors or barking dog next door anyone?

Do NOT under any circumstances make major purchases! Especially vehicles, computers, appliances, things mechanical, electric. They’ll be buggy, at worse a lemon, for as long as you have them.

Essentially, Mercury retro is all about the RE.

  • Review.
  • Redo.
  • Rethink.
  • Re-examine.
  • Reflect.

Mercury retro used productively means for example:

CLEAN OUT YOUR CLOSETS. Rid yourself of clutter. REview what is essential and bid bye-bye to the unnecessary and the dross.

Rethink before you hit the send button on those emails. Are you communicating succinctly. If it can be misconstrued by the recipient, then assume it’ll be. Take steps to minimize miscommunication.

The retro’s perfect for REvisiting your work, editing manuscripts, drafts for fellow writers and editors.

REflect on the past. It’s common for people of our past to REappear. Whether that’s positive or negative, only you can determine. BUT know this. Just because a former love of your life, friend or significant other returns is NOT a sign you should REunite.

Because Merc retro brings the past to us to REview and REthink. To heal the old and move on when Mercury resumes direct motion in a month.

Allow extra time in traveling. Be it on the road, by air or sea, delays are to be expected. Mercury does not GUARANTEE it, rather significantly heightens the possibility.

Fender-benders are very common in a retro. Because people are inattentive. More than usual that is. The best offense thus is to drive super-defensively. Expecting the worst and acting accordingly will help protect you.

I hope this short-short course on Merc retro helps.

It’ll be over. Officially May 22. Add a few days for the dust to clear in the back-end shadow. So about a month from now, we’ll be in good to go and things can begin moving forward productively and cleanly again.

Until then, practice:

zen

Zen

Meet the Meetup Muckers

“I don’t feel like it.”

“I woke up with a sinus headache. Could be the weather.”

“I got a bug this morning.”

“I sprained my knee. My doctor told me to stay off it this weekend and call him Monday morning.”

These are reasons I’ve gotten from Meetup people for bailing at the last minute at parties I’ve created in my home.

Let’s not call ’em reasons. Let’s call them what they are. Excuses.

Excuses for bailing out of a Yes RSVP the day of the party. In some cases an hour before.

An hour!

Unless it’s a genuine emergency or sudden development demanding your attention, my tolerance for No-Shows and Last-Minute Bailers is:

zero

Big and Fat

I looove hosting parties in my (newish) place! Cooking for Others + Games = Let the Good Times Roll!

Extraordinary care, thought, planning, preparations and personal expense go into creating events for the enjoyment of all.

There’s a vast difference in feeding and liquoring up 10 people or 5. In menu planning. Shopping. Costs.

A big difference in dressing and setting a table to seat 8 or 4.

So when some jerk, correction jerkS, don’t show or bail with some flimsy excuse the day of … and HOUR before! … the party, it’s far more than an inconvenience practically and pragmatically.

It is fucking RUDE!

Take Will for example. He wanted in on my home party the day before. I messaged: Sure, there’s still a seat open, you’re welcome to join!

About two hours before the party, he messages:

“I sprained my knee. Doctor says to stay off it this weekend and call him Monday. Can I have a rain check?”

I’m pissed. For starters, I’ve already accommodated his last-minute arrival in food, drink, table seating.

Above all, it’s just RUDE. Selfish. Inconsiderate. Thoughtless. Disrespectful.

So I message him:

“There are seats here.”

This isn’t a DANCE party, Will! — is what I wanted to say! (But didn’t; I graciously bit my tongue.) You wont be standing. This is a sit-down dinner. With a game where you’ll be seated. You’ll need to walk all of 50 feet from your car to my place!

I’m sure you’ll walk at least that far in your home “before you call the doctor Monday.”

So don’t give me shitty stupid flimsy excuse for not wanting to come at the last minute.

If you’re not willing to honor your Yes RSVP and take your reserved seat THAT YOU REQUESTED may I remind you! then you have no place in my life. And home.

And no, Will, you cannot have a rain check!

Experience hosting  a few Meetup events has schooled me in No-Shows and Last-Minute Cancellations.

It reads something like:

Tremendous care, planning, preparations and expense go into creating events for all guests to enjoy. No-shows and last-minute cancellations, barring emergencies, affront hosts and guests at any event. Thus a Meetup member who has been a no-show or last-minute cancellation in events I’ve hosted may not attend subsequent ones. Thank you.

I put extraordinary effort into creating parties, down to the finest detail and penny. From weeks of researching recipes to food prep to making and hanging decorations to dressing the table to setting the places to cleaning the house front to front and side to side to the flowers chosen for the occasion to the music, the love is palpable when a guest walks in the door.

It is work, yes.  Joyful work. I loooooove cooking and feeding people, having small groups in my home, playing games. This is a vision of heart and soul long in cold storage and now being nurtured as the tiny seed it is.

My dream is a bouquet of blooms: friends in the home, breaking bread together, caring for and respecting one another, listening to and sharing with one another.

I will not have flakes in my home. Do not need it, want it or benefit from it in ANY way.  I will not and do not tolerate it.

No-shows and last-minute cancellations are endemic on Meetup. Organizers and hosts everywhere struggle with how to manage them.

Most hosts don’t. They let ’em run roughshod.

Take Will for example. Not the one with the “bad knee,” another Will.

I know him a little personally but that’s neither here nor there.

He consistently RSVPs yes to Meetup gatherings. Then doesn’t show.

His is one of the worst No-Show track records. Where he excels is in disappointing and letting people down. Time after time after time.

Yet hosts continue to let him come!

Not I.

So when he RSVP’d yes to my latest dinner-and-game party, I messaged him uh-uh and here’s why. (gist of message above)

His response: a RUDE “I don’ want or need people like you in my life!” Then he proceeded to block ME!

No skin off my teeth. Clearly a man (late 50s/early 60s) with a rather poor sense of personal responsibility.

If more Meetup organizers/hosts banned No-Shows and Last-Minute Cancels — excepting true emergencies/situations, “I just don’t feel like going” DOESN’T cut it! — then guess what. Either they’d change their behavior. OR they’d take it elsewhere.

Here’s the forgotten secret:

When you tolerate Bad Behaviors, Discourtesy, Disrespect, Disregard and Genuine Rudeness from Meetup members at your events, guess what:

That’s what you’ll get. IT WILL CONTINUE!

The Meetup Muck and Mire is atrocious.

It is rampant. Ubiquitous. Here to stay. It’s reflective of an American culture Full of Self and Absent Common Courtesy, for starters.

However, I do not need or desire it in my close personal life or in my home. It will not be tolerated.

Mine is a 1-strike rule.

My guests who do show up are better off for it. My parties are better off for it. My well-being is better off for it.

So to all you Meetup Muckers:

Move along. Nothing to see here.

Save for:

Unknown

Announcement to Meetup No-Shows and Last-Minute Cancels

 

One word. Five letters. Says it all.

Bitch.

There. It’s said. Written. In black and white for the world, nee universe, to hear. See. Know.

An open letter to the subject. Name’s spelling tweaked. Not to protect the not-so-innocent. It’s me in my integrity.

Dear Karrie:

You had two days to post an invitation to members of the Meetup group. YOUR members and YOUR group may I remind you.

Two days is plenty of time to post an event. It takes 2 or 3 minutes to post it.

Not only that, I make it simple as pie. I write the event description. Spell it out along with the location, time and date to a T. There is no confusion. I could not make this ANY EASIER FOR YOU. For any Meetup facilitator.

I kindly request that you post it.

You don’t. Perhaps you didn’t get the message?

So I send a kind reminder.

Nothing.

So I send it again.

I eventually get:

“I will get this posted as soon as possible.” One day before the deadline for posting!

No. You didn’t. And you won’t.

Karrie, it takes all of TWO MINUTES — if THAT — to post an event. An event that again MAY I REMIND YOU is for the enjoyment of the people in YOUR GROUP.

Or did you lose sight of that?

Are you so fucking busy 24 hours a day that you haven’t a minute to spare for posting an event. In YOUR group. For YOUR members?!

Thanks to YOUR attitude, your inaction, your bitchiness, time runs out. There’s not enough time to post the party event that I’ve created. For the community of women. That you allegedly serve.

Because of you, I have 4 people coming. When there should’ve and would’ve been twice that. HAD YOU DONE THE RIGHT THING.

Listen, Karrie. I know you’re young. I know you’re busy — or seem to be. Every moment is obviously occupied round the clock. 24/7. I know you’re not the embodiment of sage woman, wise old soul.

But can’t you fucking see that this isn’t about YOU. Or about me. It’s about YOUR group and YOUR members being invited to a fun party event.

And BECAUSE of you, they won’t be. They can’t be. Because you couldn’t spare two precious minutes in your round-the-clock busy schedule, apparently, to DO THE RIGHT THING.

I hate you right now. I hate you not as a whole person. But because interactions past and to the present strongly tell me: you are a bitch. A selfish young self-centered bitch. Who has NO clue about what hosting a party in the home means.

Who has no clue about what it means to do things for others. Selflessly. Altruistically. Out of kindness. Out of goodness. Out of the sheer joy of doing for others.

I’m sorry you have to be in my life at all. Unfortunately, because you do facilitate a large group of women, I’m stuck with you. I’m stuck with your being INCONSIDERATE and selfish and BITCHY.

There are sisters. And there are bitches. You are in the latter. I am not and never have been but boy oh boy can I spot ’em 20 miles away. Bitches have a distinctive smell. Did you know that? Of course not. You’re one of ’em. I bet in high school, you were hated by a lotta girls. Girls of the Sisterhood.

So Karrie, if I could, I’d write you out of my life. Unfortunately, as I said, because you “facilitate” a large group of women in the Meetup universe, I’m stuck with you and your Bitchhood.

Can’t escape it. Can’t avoid it. Can’t live with it. P.S. I pity your new husband. I’d like to buy him a night of drinks in 5 years to see just how happy he is being your husband.

Neither here nor there.

BECAUSE of you, I’m in a predicament. YOU put me in this predicament. Your INACTION. Your excuse that you’re sooooo busy that you can’t afford 2 minutes to go online to post a party event is BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT.

You’ve been exposed.

Bitch.

And you blew it. You failed the VERY gals that you’re allegedly there to serve.

Bitch.

You’re not special, Karrie. Bitches are a dime a dozen. You being one is not news. Problem is, I pay the price. I and every woman of the Sisterhood.

Ugh. I hate women like you. I’m truly sorry that there are so MANY of you.

Last but not least, I’m gonna play Donald Trump for a moment, Karrie. To you and your “role” in “bringing women together”:

trump

 

 

Trending. ZERO relation to Twitter!

Wooo-wooo word lovers!

Below are factoids for Word Lovers and The Curious.

As a subscriber to Merriam-Webster’s word of the day, I got this email. Pretty damn cool! Merci, M-W!

This week’s top lookups were (almost) all driven by U.S. politics:

The shooting at the U.S. Capitol on 3/28 led to an increase inlookups for both lockdown and shrapnel.

People are curious about legal terms. The news that Trump’s campaign manager was charged with battery led to a surge in lookups for the word on 3/29.

Americans looked up stygian on 3/31, after a Huffington Post article called Trump a “stygian homunculus.”

(My editor’s note: A case of a Post employee pulling out a thesaurus to sound educated, haughty, superior, literary. In truth it comes away as pretentious, pompous, snooty, trying to hard. Just par-for-the-course liberal ridiculous borderline-absurd excrement from the Post.)

Finally, gullible experienced its usual spike on April 1st. It’s in the dictionary—we promise.

What words do you think will trend next week?