Beseeching Thee Near Halloween

Dear Witches, Wizards, Benevolent Goblins & Ghosts:

Halloween’s still nine days away. However, I’m getting my request in early. Well, more of a prayer … a beseeching … than a request really.

It was brave of me to release that Saturday shift at the supermarket. The Saturdays where I worked double shifts (at two jobs), you know the one, surely.

It was brave for many reasons, as you know. The one that stands out is my ability to accept much much less than I’m capable of. Was going to write “deserve” but I’m not there yet. Not quite ready to tackle that behemoth monster — you know the one, the lack of worth beaten into me by my parents, in their unique style. I can handle bits and pieces of that behemoth. But I’m easily overwhelmed and still really don’t have support, as you know, so gotta take these things slowly.

Too slowly sometimes, I know I know. 🙂

But back to the Halloween right around the corner and my request … beseeching … prayer.

I would truly truly like to release the job at Fry’s entirely. Completely. Wash my hands of the insanity, ineptness and insincerities. {funny, interesting, that word popped up}

Casting off the Saturday shift is a step in the right direction. I won’t miss it. I’ll miss that income but it’s really not much, as you know, again. I’m grateful for that little bit of income Saturday brings. Yet I can do better.

And should do better.

So I see this is a two-part request.

One: To release entirely the Fry’s job. To be done with them. And to replace it to have work that I enjoy and that PAYS. As soon as the stars line up.

Two: To not go back but to keep moving forward. To have — to allow — better in my life, my work life chiefly! To have work that matters to me. Touches me. Is a part of my path — more precisely, guides me back to my path. I know how far astray I’ve gone, through no fault of my own. You know what I’m talkin’ about. 🙂

I submit my request early, in the same way that kids excitedly send their wish lists to Santa — you know him too. 🙂  Time is ticking … ticktickticktick … the season’s changing fast into a (brief) autumn then a (brutal) winter. I already feel the energy depletion in my body and health.

I don’t want to give up on my dreams — even though I don’t even know what they are anymore!

I need your help this Halloween, my most favorite holiday of all!!!! I LOVE this day and time of year generally.

I’ll think about this prayer as I do my tasks (and oh exciting intellectually-stimulating tasks they be! haha!) Okay, I won’t go there. 🙂

My future is unclear. That’s a whole other issue, I understand. I know you guys, all of you, really exist. You’re as real to me as people who also inhabit this planet if not more so.

Your help, your guidance, these are good things. These are what I need.

Well, the digital laptop clock announces time to go to work (speaking of Fry’s …). I really just wanted to write to you and express my inner needs in a request … beseeching … prayer.

Thank you. And I will see y’all again before Halloween! … your day, my day, the day when we’re all one in the most magical of ways!

Sincerely and lovingly,

Me

 

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