W is for worry and what if …

I keep telling myself that it’ll be okay. That things’ll work out. That I’ll not only find a new place to live but it’ll be better than the current place … which is better than the place before … and the place before that …

And I keep turning it over to angels, guides, divine protectors, powers unseen, powers greater than me.

Still, it ain’t easy!

About halfway into July and the rental market’s tighter than Scrooge’s coin purse! Available properties are low and number and interested parties high. The first place I viewed (no great shakes) drew like 15 people on its first showing! The property management guy said it’s been likewise with all their rentals. So many people on the move this time of year plus so many people relocating to this area.

I check all local rental sites and craigslist diligently and daily at least half a dozen times. I’ve been driving up and down streets and through various neighborhoods looking for For Rent signs. I’ve been spreading the word in my social circle AND either writing or mentally affirming my mantra for y new place through the day.

I’m trying uber-hard not to let stress, panic or worry cloud my thoughts or depress me.

How do you stay affirming of the necessary / desired outcome amid facts and/or realities that tell you otherwise?

How do you stay believing that there’s a needle to be found in the haystack if you don’t even know whether there’s actually a needle in there to be found?

My fear of finding nothing or only something barely tolerable and not at all what I desire or need is not groundless or without merit. I’ve endured real doozies of living quarters and/or roommates. Including some who are certifiably insane, hurtful, vicious, toxic and dangerous!

I can’t simply forget my past — and intense it is! — and trust that this move is going to be OK. Not only OK but even better than the numerous recent moves before it.

I can’t trust that things are going to be OK because I’ve seen them NOT be OK. I can’t trust that someone up theres’s really watching out for me because I’ve experienced very dark times of no help from on high or anyone human.

I can’t trust that anyone divine or earthly has my best interests at heart because I’ve lived through too much of no one doing so.

How do you go from unbelief formed through experience to belief in a benefic power or force?

How do you trust life or God or Spirit or the universe or anything else greater than and outside yourself when they’ve disappointed, failed and/or abandoned you?

Not only once but for years even decades?

I’ve no answers, only questions. And this plate of worry before me. What if I don’t find a place to live by my assigned move-out date? What then?

What then?

What then?

What then?

Kind of a downer post I know but honest …

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