Will get to the daily prompt anon. Before that, there’s something I’m mulling.
Is it wrong to want people who bring extraordinary discomfort and distress and worse, people who cross boundaries, out of your life?
Now, that’s a query that could open not only a can of worms but Pandora’s Box itself! I don’t mean it in a broad philosophical sense. I mean it this time in a specific case.
Prior posts have touched on the problems and issues with the noisy neighbors above. Not gonna recount what’s already been written. Only that the noisiness of their (nearly 2-month) residency continues.
It has toned down. Not because they’ve grown into consideration of others, rather because twice the police have been brought for excessive noise.
The first time I brought their excessive noise to the landlord’s awareness in a letter, she suggested I call the police if it gets out of hand.
When I replied that I already had, her ears raised. A month later when I sent an FYI update that issues remained unchanged and that the police had been brought a second time (in about 6 weeks of a new tenancy, yikes!) she thanked me. After that, things quieted down some.
My hunch is she issued a stern word. Two police actions in 6 weeks of a new tenancy would be a concern to me were I a concerned landlord and businessperson. (She’s both and works with one of the biggest property management companies in the area so has her/their own reputation to tend to as well.)
Truth of the matter is, you can call the police until the cows come home. But you cannot make an asshole become considerate.
And that is the gist of the problem. The couple above doesn’t care about community peace, harmony or the comfort of the residents below them. (They have an apartment above; we below live in little studios.
You can learn a lot about a person by his/her footsteps. Not you, rather I can. Because I’m extraordinarily sensitive; there are other gifts and strengths at play here too. She of the couple above feels like a reasonably OK nice person. He, though, is a dickhead. An arrogant jerk with anger. If I knocked on their door and informed him of their excessive noise and could they please tone it down, he’d smile, pretend concern and cooperation. Shut the door and then stomp even harder on their wooden floors. And enjoy doing it. He’s that kind of a man / person.
My apartment’s tiny and the ceilings are very low. There are other factors that amplify noise: old structure, no insulation, etc. I love the apartment and the studio.
I do not, however, love these neighbors. I want them to move out. To go away.
Why do I not write: I want them to become considerate and thoughtful? Because they can’t. HE can’t. Correction: very highly unlikely. They are a me me me young couple. Their own pleasures and lives and activities are their only concern. That they impinge on others is of no concern. Does not enter into their sphere of awareness. They’ve “toned it down” only because of the landlord’s message. Not even police at their door makes a dent. It took the landlord’s intervention.
They are a source of chronic stress. Every day and across the hours.
What do I want?
For them to be considerate.
But I can’t make them — ANYONE — be who they are not. Neither can I make anyone BECOME something. Life has taught me well on that count. I gave up those stupid futile efforts long ago in youth. I cannot MAKE them become better people and better tenants in a community.
So what then? I learn to live with it.
But when is enough enough? At what point does my need for basic — BASIC — respect and regard cease as sacrificial lambs to the power of an arrogant dickhead?
There’s more to this story, much more untold than told. However, suddenly I’m exhausted and need to move on to another topic. Or that daily prompt, which promises to be more fun than this! 🙂
Believe it or not, in this domestic mess, there is great news to celebrate! The noisy neighbors are away!!!! They are away I am certain for this 3-day holiday weekend!
There hasn’t been one STOMP or a CRASH or a DROOOOP or a HOOOOOOOOT or a HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLERRRR or another STOMP followed by ANOTHER ANOTHER ANOTHER — just a sample of what I live under — since Saturday. And since I’ve come to know this couple’s schedule all too intimately by their noisy sounds and activities, I’m the first to know, outside themselves, when they’re away.
Today, Sunday, January 18, is Day Two of TOTAL BLISS. BLISS. I tell you!!!! It is BLISS when they are away! My entire apartment falls quiet. The chaos from above that FILLS my tiny space ceases. The entire place changes when they’re away. The little rooms get much larger when their energies aren’t filling and overtaking them. I can breathe. Smile. Be.
So, is it so wrong to want people who bring extraordinary discomfort and distress and worse, people who cross boundaries to go away? To move away? To want them out of your life?
I dunno yet. I know only that THIS IS SHEER HEAVEN!!!! Stillness. The waters quiet. Is it wrong to want this all the time in my home?