Cable One: The new confessional box

You have something you gotta get off your chest … a matter weighing heavy on your heart … one you need to confess and you need assurance the news’ll go no farther … forget the confessional box. Never mind the priest, minister, therapist or friend.

Go to Cable One. Whatever you share in writing, you’re certain to get no response. Correction: no personal response. You WILL get this standardized one that goes like this:

“Thank you for contacting support. Many sales questions can be answered via the following website: http://www.cableone.net/

“For any additional assistance, please feel free to contact our Sales Department, toll-free, at 1-877-MY-CABLE (877-692-2253).

“The Sales Department is available during the hours of 8am-5pm, Monday-Friday and will be happy to assist you.”

How do I know? I wrote a letter (email) about an issue. Doesn’t matter what the issue was. It matters that I took the time to sit down and put computerized pen to paper and articulate an experience with Cable One Internet Co. in a thoughtful and concise manner.

In response, I received diddly squat. Correction: a diddley squat impersonal sales pitch that doesn’t address the issue one iota.

What I received is a response indicating they didn’t friggin’ hear a single thing I said. Probably didn’t even read the letter.

Bet it arrived in an in-box and some Cable One customer service rep who can’t be bothered with the “customer” or “service” aspects of the position pushed a button and whoosh! went the irrelevant standardized reply.

Why do I fucking bother to reach out or try to make myself heard?

Don’t answer that, I know why. This isn’t about me doing anything wrong or out of line. It’s about Cable One.

Cable One has a page on its site designed specifically for comments, input, feedback.

So the question isn’t why do I fucking bother to reach out and communicate. Question is, why do they fucking bother to have a page for feedback when all you get is some stupid standardized impersonal response?

Examples. Say you write:

Dear Cable One: My Internet service has been dark for a week. I’m writing this on dial-up at the library. It’s taking half an hour for this to go through but I really need your help to get my home service going.

They’d reply:

“Thank you for contacting support. Many sales questions can be answered via the following website: http://www.cableone.net/.”

Dear Cable One: I’m interested in signing up with your Internet service. But can I get it out here in Wheatfields, Iowa? Please let me know so I can spend my hard-earned money wisely.

“Thank you for contacting support. Many sales questions can be answered via the following website: http://www.cableone.net/.”

Dear Cable One: My cat just died. I’m bawling my eyes out.

“Thank you for contacting support. Many sales questions can be answered via the following website: http://www.cableone.net/.”

“Dear Cable One: I’ve been a customer for 15 years and always very happy with your service. I just won $2 million in the lottery and as a show of gratitude, I’d like to set up a scholarship fund to help children of Cable One employees who might not otherwise be able to attend college. Can you direct me to the right person?”

“Thank you for contacting support. Many sales questions can be answered via the following website: http://www.cableone.net/.”

“To Cable One: I’m curious. Do human beings actually read these letters? Do you respond appropriately and personally or send off an auto-response? “

“Thank you for contacting support. Many sales questions can be answered via the following website: http://www.cableone.net/.”

See what I mean about Cable One being the ideal confessional box? No matter what you say, it will stay in the room. Yours. It’ll go nowhere.

Advertisements

Talk to Me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s