Bad Bolt Internet! Blasted Bad Bolt!

Some companies you just wanna strangle.

Bolt Internet.

In Prescott, Arizona. What a sorry lot of losers and BS artists.

I’ve the good fortune of living in an apartment building I love. No complaints about the landlord, fellow residents, location, apartment. I feel quite blessed and watched over from above to be here.

Unfortunately — let me emphasize — unfortunately, the building is wired with Bolt Internet.

I could launch into a tirade about the CRAP service — “service” that Bolt provides. About:

* Dropped signals: routine.
* Technical service: Laughable. Inept. Available only during business hours M-F.

What happens if it goes out on a Sunday? You’ll be staring at dried paint on your walls. You’ll get no one. I stand corrected. You WILL get a voice on the other end. An answering machine. Big fucking whoop.

* Their “tech” visits to address problems? Um, did you randomly pick Joe Public off the streets, slip him a $50, dress him in a Bolt Internet uniform, hand him an officially-looking laptop and instruct him on the lingo toward convincing a customer that all tests indicate the signal’s swell and … wait for it … “you should be sailing on the Internet now.”

BULLSHIT!! Bullshit, Bolt!! I’ve ample evidence to prove otherwise.

* Speed tests. Bolt Internet doesn’t want you to know — and they certainly won’t tell you! — that you can test download and upload speeds online.

Ookla’s speediest.net is among the biggest and brightest of the bunch. It’s a handy user-friendly measuring tool to check whether your ISP is delivering the speed it claims … the speed … wait for it … that YOU are paying for.

My landlord pays some obscene amount of money — around $1,000 a year. So he’s in Bolt’s top third or fourth tier: Bolt’s Streaming Plus ($75/mo.) or Lightning plan ($90) at 3 Mbps or 5 Mbps, respectively.

I know, I know. Utterly ridiculous, those prices for basically dial-up speeds in the 1990’s! Can you pronounce greed and spell out s-c-a-m?

My landlord’s not techie and unfortunately he swallows Bolt’s BS bait every time.

So I’ve been running multiple speed tests at random times mornings, afternoons and nights and recording the results.

What’s alarming, though not a bit surprising, is that Bolt’s top download speed is … wait for it …

A WHOPPING 1 Mbps!!

WOW! A speed like that could send the hat off your head sailing into the horizon, never to be worn again!!

Across all tests, Bolt has never exceeded 1 Mbps. And it rarely achieves that. It’s posted as low as 0.44 — I kid you not.

Bolt’s average download speed: 0.81 Mbps.

WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. WRONG. WITH. THIS. PICTURE! ! ? !

I keep telling my landlord: Bolt is crap. They’re taking you for a ride. He’s paying BIG bucks for 0.81 Mbps?!?! Speeds like that, you may as well walk your email over to your recipients.

0.81. Know the average download speed in Arizona? (There are sites that provide state-by-state averages too.) 34.43 Mbps.

And then there’s big Bolt with its piddly 0.81. Pathetic. Dirty rotten scoundrels for charging for it.

Bolt Internet, you should be ASHAMED. Ashamed to market yourselves as a “service” and to make false claims about speed. Ashamed to receive money for service that is unreliable, unsteady, subpar and ridiculously overpriced for the speed and services provided.

You’ve been found out by me and others. It’s my goal to spread the word out and warn people that what is promised is far, far from what is delivered.

“Bad” is hardly an apt descriptor. Abysmal. Dismal. Insufficient. Junky. Low-grade. Meager. Rotten. Shoddy. Take your pick, each applies.

Were it my call, I’d dump Bolt in half a heartbeat and switch to Cable One, which provides the best, fastest and most reliable Internet service available in the Prescott (AZ) region.

Unfortunately, my landlord’s techie ignorance work against him and all residents and in favor of Bolt. Bad Bolt. Blasted Bad Bolt.

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