Homework and not a textbook in sight

It didn’t go well, only as well as could be expected under the circumstances.

It being yesterday, the second anniversary of my dad’s passing (post prior).

Those circumstances being a hostile home environment, a dearth of employment coupled with deep frustration that the job I do have (5 hours a week) isn’t yet moving forward, unsatisfying, irregular or unhealthy eating resulting from effectively being away from the house all day long to both avoid the rampaging roommate and protect myself. Financial anxieties. Irregular /compromised sleep. 

Did I forget anything?

I feel stripped — like the meat I’ve been trying to build up is falling off my bones — and stressed.

One the plus side — and self-supporting side — yesterday I filed a report on Sunday’s assault by the roommate / house owner.

The young officer, accompanied by a plainclothes fellow who didn’t identify himself but clearly had reasons for being there (a rookie? someone connected to domestic abuse cases?) and I sat in a small room bare save for a single desk and two three chairs.

I recounted the incident, along with pertinent information about the housing arrangements, history, roommate’s character and so on for context. He listened, took notes, asked question, gave me a report number.

I bristled visibly when he said he’d be contacting the roommate both for her side of the story and to “keep me safe.” I understand that that’s their job and standard procedure.

However, in this case, her knowing that I’ve involved authorities could very easily inflame her, trigger ramped-up aggressive and hostile actions and put me and safety at greater risk.

Safest is to be invisible. Lying low’s not good enough. BE INVISIBLE. (God I hate those words having been invisible through childhood to save my life in the bloodshed and warfare that was my home; any of this look familiar in the current situation?!)

I explained the situation and pleaded and implored and emphatically requested the officer NOT to contact her. The purpose of filing the report is to have it on record because (a) it’s the right thing to do — an assault did take place; (b) to get the ducks lined up for my breaking a lease that requires 30 days’ notice; (c) to have it on record in case she does this to future roommates and they take it to the police.

God I so do not need this in my life! I never dreamt I’d be going through this again in this town (my new and chosen town).

The officer listened and I think understood my concern about the possible consequences and risks of him talking to the roommate. He said he’d talk with his supervisor. He asked whether I was ok with receiving followup phone calls. Yes!

So as of now, about a week since this happened, I’ve got it on record with the police AND have made initial contact with legal housing services designed for low-income/unemployed. Next week ought to be the formal intake process.

Between that and the cops, I’ve got some support that I very very very very sorely need as I move forward as fast and far from “Rudy with a J” and her house as I can.

Since I’ve got no friends or support system, it’s imperative that I feel SOMEONE is listening and acting on behalf of my safety and legal rights … even if s/he is being paid to provide that service. I’ve walked through a LOT LOT LOT LOT of shit and hardship in my lifetime alone … carried burdens alone that would destroy lesser souls … and basically bucked up while others would d-e.

After a lifetime of it, I’m tired. Tired, weary and exhausted by being Hercules bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. A weight that includes EVERYONE ELSE’S baggage, shit and neuroses!

Pisces. They take it all on.

Funny how these posts flow. I started writing about muddling through yesterday, the second anniversary of my dad’s passing, and ended up writing about police and community legal services and a woman named “Rudy with a J” who is bad news. Real bad.

Were there a newspaper from this house, the front-page banner headline might read:

Woman rapped* for roommate assault

{*rapped as in rap sheet; love that word play!}

All told, I’m relieved yesterday’s anniversary with my father is over. However, I definitely still have HOMEwork to do and it ain’t involvin’ crackin’ open the textbooks!


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