Unreason, unfairness & ugh, my mail’s in the trash

Elephants never forget. Since I’m a human and not a pachyderm, perhaps it’s why I did.

Since I’m therapeutically releasing anger about the roommate (see post(s) prior), I want to mention a recent incident, lightweight compared to today’s yet telling and revealing of her character all the same.

As two Costco members, we each receive the monthly coupon books in the mail. Each bears our individual names.

J. couldn’t care less about the coupon book and tosses it into the trash.
Me, I LOVE the Costco coupons! So much so that I make it a special occasion, usually by seating myself, pouring myself a glass of wine and poring over it.

J. knows I love my Costco coupons. In fact, before I began receiving mine, she “donated” hers since it was trash-bound anyhow.

Note that I said we now each get our own in the mail. It’s pertinent to the story.

The other day they arrived in the mail, which she generally retrieves. As I dropped something into the trash can, I noticed her copy. I dug in a little farther and there was mine!

After pulling it outta the garbage, I mentioned it to her along the lines of:

“Please be mindful with the mail and reading the names (sidenote: three roommates reside here). My Costco coupons were in the trash.”

A sensitive and reasonable person might’ve responded with: “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I’ll be sure to look at the mail and ensure it doesn’t happen again.”

J. however is neither sensitive nor reasonable. Her response:


Of course. All Costco members receive identical coupons!

However, I didn’t say that. Would’ve fallen on deaf ears. In relating, reason is not her strong suit. Or weak. It just isn’t.

To diffuse her escalating self-defensive shouting, I simply and calmly reiterated my request: “Please be mindful of reading the mail before tossing it.”

Because, believe it or not, bitch, others live here too! Two others — five others when including the dogs but they don’t get mail.

‘Course I didn’t say that. But it’s the truth. The roommate has her good points and side to be sure.

However, as a roommate and no doubt partner (she’s divorced), she’s loud, dominating, domineering, brash, insensitive and pushy. ARGUMENTATIVE and seemingly without remorse or contrition when she’s done wrong or wronged someone.

The one time I heard her say “sorry,” it was with a shrug and so insincere and flippant that my jaw would’ve dropped if I didn’t know her from months of cohabitating.

When my anger cools and I’ve gained distance from this situation (relocation efforts underway), I’ll look at her through altered lenses. J. perceives others as an affront to her rulership and domain. Even mundane matters easily resolved with a listening ear and sincere “I’m sorry” are for her a stretch if not unobtainable.

She lacks a sense of fairness or proportion, blowing even minor incidents (like tossing my mail in the garbage) into hysterical global events.

I get to leave all that behind when I move. She, however, has to live with it. For a woman who’s 64 and no doe in the woods, I don’t see it changing. I really don’t. I just think she’s too embedded in her stuff to see her way to the other side and give people the respect and regard they deserve.

Sad, really.

I can sleep now that that’s written. ‘Night now.


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