No Love Lost with Lori

Craigslist never fails to deliver.

When that delivery’s crap, shit and spam … hence the craigshitlist that I call it.

I have in my in-box no fewer than three emailed responses from job queries over the past day or so that reek of BS and low-life spam to the high heavens. This one’s my “favorite.”

“Dear {my name}:

Your resume looked the leading of all that we obtained. From what we have seen out of your resume you should be precisely the type of staff member we have been interested in!

Early today my management informed me that I am not permitted to to post the job on craigs list so we will have to hire through site called Career Search. For this reason, I’m requesting you apply by using their web site instead of craigs list.

If you’re looking to set up an interview you’ll need to download and install the application soft ware at Career Search.

Please make sure to down load the application soft ware Here

Once you have installed the soft ware don’t forget to search for listing id: 1503 and submit an application.

Don’t forget to e mail me back when you have applied and then we can setup the interview date.

Thank you,
Lori Summers
HR Manager”

Why my fav? Aside from the shameless transparency of “my manager informs me that I can’t post on craigslist,” that is?

Because in spite of the opening line: “Your resume looked the leading of all that we obtained,” fact is: I DID NOT SEND A RESUME!!

Pret-ty damn amusing and pret-ty damn transparent, this spammer.

Of course those aren’t the sole spam markers. “Please be sure to down load (sic) the application soft ware (sic) Here (sic).”

Yes. I will surely do that! I will be sure to download the MALWARE that you’re covertly handing out.

Immediately after I’ve installed your malware, I’ll certainly hasten to search for listing 1503 and submit an application. Your application that will promise to instruct me to submit personal information, private information, so that you can steal my identity under the guise that “we need this information to move forward with your application from the ideal candidate who is YOU!”

And while you’re thieving away, I’ll not overlook your instructions to click on the provided link to allow you to conduct the credit check that “is necessary” because “I am the ideal candidate.” After all, what’s prying into my most private records if YOU need it to complete my job application?

You certainly don’t want any LOW lifes working for you! You wouldn’t want people who are untrustworthy, unreliable and dishonest on your payrolls.

And you most certainly wouldn’t want scummy rotten-to-the-core asshole misleading liars on your staff! Why, think about the competition such staff members would bring you!!

So, dear “Lori Summers,” while I’m so very pleased that you took the time to send me your lying-through-your-teeth email and made that effort to pull the wool over my eyes to obtain personal information for your own evil and self-serving purposes, I have to pass.

Because here’s the thing “Lori Summers.” I have morals and integrity and honesty and good intentions. You don’t. We’re just not a good fit.

Good luck in your future.

Advertisements

Talk to Me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s