Mercury retro through 12th house: Ouch.

Today, Monday, June 30, marks not only the last day of the month but the final day of the Mercury retrograde.

Whew! Been a rugged one and a whopper! — as I knew it’d be.

Mercury turned retro on June 7 for its standard 3-1/2-week retro that happens about every three months. (FYI, next one’s in early October.)

This one saw Mercury retro from 3 degrees Cancer to 24 degrees Gemini — the degree at which it turns stationary direct tomorrow, July 1, at 5:50 a.m. my time (Pacific Standard). So when I arise, Mercury’ll have juuuust begun to resume direct motion. Nice way to wake up, I’ll take it!

The goals of this post isn’t to articulate the meaning and purpose of Merc retro. There’s tons of info online, with cafe astrology offering a good basic introduction. Neither is it to convert skeptics or disbelievers of astrology or Mercury retro specifically.

No.

I merely want to acknowledge that this one’s been a doozy. I really did feel it — in my body, in my central nervous system, in my thoughts system — in the weeks preceding the retro date of June 7, aka the roughly 2-week shadow period.

In my experience, this retro has been especially nerve-wracking and hard-hitting due to its journey through my natal chart: exclusively through my 12th house, the house of privacy, solitude, secrets hidden, confinement. It’s called the House of the Unconscious and Self-Undoing.

I like this excerpt on the 12th house:

“The last house of the zodiac also recognizes that we can feel bound in life — stuck and confined. For this reason, this house rules jails, hospitals, institutions, asylums and any space that inhibits freedom. More gloominess in the 12th comes in the form of danger, secret enemies and clandestine affairs. Beware!”

Don’t know that I’d caution “Beware!” … rather “Be Aware” of the seclusionary aspect of the 12th house.

Not to divert from the topic of Merc retrograding through my 12th. I’ve strongly felt it for the house AND the signs it’s crossed — from Cancer into Gemini.

Mercury rules Gemini, its natural sign, imbuing this retro with a certain level of ease not experienced when Merc retros through other signs, say, Virgo. Thank god for small favors!

Still.

Merc retrograding in the 12th AND in Gemini is, in my chart, a double whammy. Not only is it stirring up a LOT of subconscious/unconscious material of an unpleasant nature — depression and a fair lifetime of lack of support being central — it’s also turned on the Negative Thinking due to the Gemini influence (Gemini’s all mental).

The result: a rehashing of my past (Merc retro) of the worst kind (seclusion, isolation, loneliness, lack of support — all 12th house matters) in first Cancer (emotion, the heart, nurturing) and then Gemini (the mind).

That’s a fairly concise summation of this Merc retro!

I’m in no mood to recount (or revisit) what’s gone on at the job or in my mind in these past 3-1/2 weeks of the retro.

Rather, I wish only to acknowledge that it’s been rugged. Like … well … as if I went down into the basement … found several large suitcases containing old painful past issues … opened some up to explore their contents … then carried and/or dragged the suitcases back and forth back and forth across the basement floor … up the stairs … through the house (not my house, my roommate’s) … to the job … then back home (not my home) … back into the cellar … every day the same actions.

All 12th house stuff. All in solitude, isolation, lack of support.

I’m not bemoaning the process, the struggles or the challenges with some dark demons that’ve ensued. “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” goes the adage.

Don’t know that I actually agree with that. Strength consisting of gritting one’s teeth and enduring COME HELL OR HIGH WATER — LIFE IS BUT A FIGHT TO SURVIVE — isn’t necessarily the best or healthiest sort of strength to have.

Sometimes having strength requires: letting go. And I’m first to admit that that remains a huge challenge for this person who’s still alive, despite a truly hard and deprived life, because I’ve practiced Endure: COME HELL OR HIGH WATER from Day 1.

Well, these are some of my contemplations as Mercury completes its retro today. Early tomorrow morn, it resumes its direct course, slowly at first, then gaining steam. It’s been a slog this round … though I’ve been extraordinarily mindful and respectful of the planet’s retro period, which is likely the singlemost important tool that helped maintain some level of sanity.

Or at least didn’t deliver me unto insanity (again, 12th house!) … so it’s all the same.

Well, this has been a contemplative post and perhaps “rambly” to outsiders yet these were things that had to be acknowledged and written. (Why I apologize for writing and/or expressing myself is curios and harmful to my nature and aspirations as a writer.)

Guess that I also wanna say sorry for not writing more during this retro. I was told that I’d need to write and write a lot through it and I didn’t. My posts in the past 3-1/2 weeks register nary a blip; my journal fares little better.

The Beast that is Depression has had me in its clutches. And Depression has no voice. It blackens everything. It grays out your very breath. In the clutches of Depression, I cannot breathe, never mind have the energy to pick up a pen. That’s how it goes with Depression. It kills or sucks the life out of everything it its path. Be it heart or home, mind or soul.

On that note, I’ll say toodles … and yey! yey! to Mercury as he resume direct tomorrow. Deliverance is the word that flashes ….

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