When a locked door isn’t just a locked door.

Tonight I returned home to my place of residence to a very, very alarming and troubling find.

A locked doorknob.

We do not lock the doorknob because there is no key. Only the deadbolt gets locked.

There’s another angle, a terrifying one, that I’ll get to anon.

In the meantime, after inserting my single key into the doorknob JUST to be very sure that it didn’t work (it didn’t), I was left asking: What to do?

What to do.

So I rang the doorbell. A few times. It was only 9:30 but my roommate(s) are in bed usually around 9. Plus the one who’s been a terror to me lately, the tyrant, listens to CDs through headphones to fall asleep. So she wouldn’t hear the doorbell.

I considered my options. Hop a wall and go through the backyard through her bedroom door. This of course would not only set the three dogs off to raging protective barking but my figure crossing her room would frighten her no end. And tick her off. Which is the last thing I need, she’s been a real bitch lately.

I considered also removing the screen from my bedroom window and slipping in — fortunately a viable option because in this heat I had the sliding window open so I wouldn’t need to break glass (not that I would).

My third and final option was to hop the wall and see whether a side door was unlatched. It was. So fortunately I was able to enter without disturbing the peace.

+ + +

Which of two roommates locked the doorknob that ought never be locked I can’t say. What I CAN say is that it is more than a mere oversight. My dictatorial roommate (and house owner) has been a living nightmare for me. Subconsciously she wants to lock me out and have me go, of that I have NO doubt. So locking the door “accidentally” … not so accidentally after all.

= = =

Moreover, and importantly, I lived with a female roommate in Denver who, I discovered, had some really serious issues, some, coincidentally, that run parallel to those of my current roommate.

She was very mentally unstable and just not nice. I came home one night to discover that she had changed the locks on me. In a blizzard. I was left homeless. Worsening matters, I was to start a new job the next morning. There is much more to this story that I don’t care to recount, it’s still very painful the years later.

The TRAUMA of coming home and finding the locks changed and having NOWHERE to go (no friends, I was new in town) in a nice Colorado blizzard … it has always stayed with me.

So when I came back tonight to find not the locks changed but a lock that’s never locked locked, barring my entry … it frightened me really really badly. It’s too close for comfort or trust in my roommate. She could be as capable of going off the deep end into really irrational actions (like that Denver roommate).

I’m walking a tightrope as it is. The walls are closing in — FAST. And the hostility from her is rising daily. I fear what she’s capable of.

So getting a job is a priority and now so is finding another living space. The timing is far from good. But like I said, I fear what she’s capable of. And I DREAD DREAD DREAD paying the June rent due in a day or two. It’s buying me more time in hell.

What is wrong with women that they are so unstable, vindictive, ungiving, narcisstic, controlling and/or viscous for no good reason? (Is there ever a good reason for having those characteristics?)

That’s my troubling ending to an otherwise OK day. I’m gonna try to sleep now; up early tomorrow for a job interview (food service so don’t get excited). I hope it works out. I need a job to quiet my shakes.


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