It’s happened before. It happened yesterday. I don’t know why it happens.
I’m cruising along, feeling great. Or good. Or anyway OK. Then like the dust cloud perpetually trailing Linus in the Peanuts strip, a dark cloud appears over me and takes away the sunshine.
Or another image: A huge black raptor sweeps in and snatches my positivity, my good mood, by bright day in its giant sharp talons and takes off, leaving me suddenly depressed and depleted for no apparent reason.
Once that state of mind takes hold, it’s very, very hard to shake.
I truly don’t know why it happens or what the trigger is that in some strange way seems to signal the raptor of depression to sweep in, grab and take off with my feel-good mood. It happens in a matter of moments. Like the alleged sneak attack by the Japanese at Pearl Harbor.
Yesterday I felt terrific, journaling at a newly-discovered cafe! Everything was grand! The springy sunny weather … the blue sky … the cool and funky cafe … my seat … the relaxation … down to the coffee!
With my journaling done and anticipated reading of the newspaper and second cup of coffee next, I found my mood suddenly turn south. Nothing in my immediate environment had shifted! In fact, I was happy and content to be where I was!
So what happened to bring in the swooshing raptor of depression? If I knew the answer and could bottle it, I’d be a billionaire.
Or at the very least wiser and more at peace than I am presently.
Depression is a loaded topic to be certain. Millions grapple with it. I won’t venture probing a complex and complicated subject; it’s not the purpose of this post.
I only wanted to get it out there … how this raptor of depression, with wings opened wide like inky black bed sheets spread across the sky, descends unannounced, uninvited and out of nowhere … and with great pointed talons snags my well-being … then like a powerful missile ascends and disappears from view …
and just like that, I’m no longer the person savoring writing and reading in a cafe with yummy coffee! I’m down … depressed … numb … directionless … flat-lined.
Like I said, it’s far from the first time it’s happened; I’ve been contemplating the how and the why. My answer is I don’t know.