a pancake-ing balloon of a blog post

Weeks on the road and barely words written on the blog or journal.

That’s not normal or good. Hundreds of miles crossed from Arizona through Nevada through Southern California through Northern California and back to Southern Cal and what have I got to show for it? More miles than words written, that’s what!

This hasn’t been easy or flowy travel, neither has it been inspirational. There have been positive aspects for sure, namely seeing old friends. Overall, however, it’s felt sluggish, disjointed, stressful and made uncomfortable by this goddamn neck injury. It’s been crippling; analogy: a bird dragging around a fractured wing. It’s depressing, the chronic pain and discomfort. Not to mention the number it’s done on my sleep!

Eh. I could go on and on. Not to downplay the severity of the situation but talking about it is only making withdraw and shut down and not communicate. I’m fighting the blahs and the blues and the disinclination to write anything, anything at all. Yeah, it’s an act of will just to be here writing anything at all.

This is hardly inspiring prose! Uplifting? Ha! You’d see more lift hefting a half gallon of milk outta the fridge! Anyways, the problem with NOT writing at all (be it blog or journal) for me is The Snowball Effect. One day of not writing and feeling badly about it leads to the next and to the next and to the next and the next.

And then all of a sudden a whole lot of experiences and moments that were worthy of pen and paper (or laptop and keyboard) have fallen into the past … and past tense … never to be again. Cast into the wind by indifference … apathy … boredom … depression … an overall malaise. The Blahs and the Blues are dangerous, even deadly, for creative sorts.

And when they snowball (as they have in my case lately) and creativity ISN’T happening, then, well, um, let’s just say that for me, keeping myself beneath the covers for extended periods of time is easier than actually telling myself “enough!” and pulling back the cover to breathe in the fresh air.

Blankets over the head, while comforting, also turn the air stuffy and stale. After a while, I just gotta remember to breathe again and come out from under.

Anyways, I really have no great words of wisdom tonight. No desire to catch up and record various tales of travel or anything else. I just felt it was important to break the stalemate of inaction and apathy that’s weighed on me and silenced me these past weeks and put SOMETHING on “computer paper” (aka this blog). Perhaps tomorrow I’ll have more to say. Waiting for the mood to write is never really a good thing. Words don’t get written that way and consequently it takes little for things to go to hell in a small hand basket.

In the words of Pink Floyd, wish I had something more to say. Least I put a chink in the armor of non-writing tonight; that’s something. Even if this post is as inspiring as watching paint dry and as aspiring as the pffffffftttt of a pancake-ing* balloon.

*Yes, that’s a word. Now! 😉

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