Knowing that it’s time to give up is — and continues to be — one of the hardest lessons in my lifetime.
It doesn’t come naturally. In fact, it comes not at all, which is why it’s so damn difficult to learn and to do. I wish it were easier; it’d be to my benefit and to others, to a degree.
I’m a fighter. And a survivor, because I’ve had to be. It is what it is: life and trauma and abuse and losses and many bad things you wouldn’t wish on an enemy. Or maybe you would. You wouldn’t wish them on your child then. Hopefully. No shortage of bad people who are parents.
Anyways, fighting, in a way, my own nature to Hang In There or Die — struggles intimately familiar and real since infancy — is not easy growth.
But it’s necessary growth. Because the downside to not giving up when I should is pretty black-and-blue material, in every sense of the phrase.
This ongoing teaching about giving up (a word that makes me shiver and cringe) and letting go (yikes!) is brought to forefront by current conditions at the job, in the town where I reside and, increasingly, in the residence where I rent a room.
All signs from all angles and levels say it’s time to move on. And, truthfully, I’m more than excited to do so. Joyful even.
So why is it still hard?
That’s a loaded answer. Childhood training. My nature. Suprahuman endurance and highly-honed survival mechanisms.
I notice that “fear” is not on the list. Why is that?
Because, upon immediate reflection, fear as a whole does not impede my inclinations to plunge onward. (Hey, one of my dearest friends nicknamed me “kamikaze” for good reasons!)
No. Stubbornness, digging in my heels — a surefire means of survival — resistance and/or refusal to Just. Let. Go. interfere and impede.
Does being aware of that make it any easier? Not really. But as with muscles and weights at the gym, “no pain no gain.”
This opportunity to REALLY let go of EVERYTHING in my current situation that truly needs to be let go of and is right to let go of (i.e., by divine timing) faces me now … yesterday … and tomorrow.
What, I wonder, is the key to truly letting go? Because awareness alone isn’t enough.
It’s the doing. It’s the opening of the hands, the exposure of the palms to the sky … and some sort of belief, trust and/or faith that by doing what is necessary and “ordained” to do by God, Spirit, Universe, Powers That Be, Divine Intelligence that one will be guided, protected … and arrive at the destination intended by said power.
Uhh … letting go is hard … and trusting in an unseen power, in life, that’s the hardest of all.
From surviving to soaring … it’s a stretching exercise in life that never stops, really.