Thrills in a trio

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Relief!

Whooooaaa!

Thrills in a trio.

One at a time …

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

… is to angelic beings, divine guides, protectors and helpers for bringing me a new place to live.

The deal’s not yet signed; the landlord, however, is holding it for me until we take care of business, make it official in a coupla days.

It’s a tiny studio. Tiiiny. Like 215 sq. feet tiny. But it would be my space. No roommates (but a neighbor above). There’s more to the story — and space; save for another time.

I’m in disbelief. Disbelief that in this extremely tight and competitive housing market that (a) a studio even became available and (b) that it’s mine soon as I sign on the dotted line! Talk about being in the right place at the right time!

Yep, I’m in disbelief. And …

Relief!

I cannot tell you how arduous this search has been! Nearly two months looking. A d-e-a-d dead rental market in December. I fluctuated wildly between panic, resourcefulness, terror of becoming homeless again (a very real possibility in this town of housing crisis/shortage). Struggled to remain optimistic and ward off pessimism and despair.

That I’m assured a place to go before Jan. 31 is a  RELIEF of gigantic proportion! Again, homelessness was biting at me there on the butt. Not a lifestyle I wish to repeat. Not a lifestyle I CAN repeat with two jobs (and one crazy schedule).

A tiiiiny space of my own. Wow! And …

Whoa!

For just yesterday I viewed the tiny studio … and today moved a step toward  confirming.

Then just today two emails arrived.

One from a lady looking for a roommate in a spacious and apparently beautiful home.

And one from a dude who was seeking a roommate two months ago! I’d responded to his ad “way back then” and never heard back. ‘Til today. Guess he’s resumed his search or the roomie he did get is departed.

Short of it is: Either or both of these sudden room-share openings are arrived on one day — unbelievable in this housing market! — and on the very day that the tiny studio becomes mine, unofficially.

Whoa!

Relief!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Circling to the beginning.

How it’ll all ultimately shake down remains to be seen. And see we shall soon enough — with departure from Lord George’s home imminent.

Yes, 2017’s gonna be an amazing year! Amazing for me. For America. Trump’s inauguration is Friday and boy am I celebrating! The country’s mood has shifted dramatically with his win.  That too, another post.

For now, I look assured new digs … {and simultaneously a pullback from the precipice of homelessness}

To the forces above, I can’t say it enough:

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

 

The slave peeks through a crack in the door

I have work issues. Slavery issues. Slave-labor issues. Deep-rooted stuff.

Which makes this tidbit … this factoid … all the more compelling.

I requested to be moved off Friday evenings at one of my jobs for one purpose:

so that I can have one night of fun, of pleasure, above all else music a week.

GASP!!!!!!!!

{faint onto floor}

(swish smelling salts under fainter’s nose}

For the record: I did not bail on that job! — though lord knows I want off so bad.

And I did not leave my boss high ‘n’ dry.

It’s a stupid job. That’s what I call it. “My stupid job.” I don’t tell people what it is. It’s so off path off purpose and far beneath who I am, my calling, etc. etc. etc. and etc.

Just let the record show:

I did not request less work.

I merely requested to be moved off Friday evening shifts and ONTO another evening of her need.

Unbeknownst to her, I did this so I can have one evening a week that’s enriching.

{shoot me now for just saying that!} {see, right there’s an example of that deep-rooted work-slavery complex}

See, here’s the thing {whispering so the brutal slavery gods don’t hear}

There’s this guy in town. A musician. And his team. This guy — and his musician team — is phenomenal. I mean truly talented. Gifted. Beyond the pale. Born to play music. It’s his life, his passion, his purpose, his path.

You go into the brewery with troubles, watch him play and all those cares n’s troubles just slip away. They evaporate. {poof} He’s just that good. That born to play. You can’t help but feel good. His joy’s infectious.

He plays at the brewery every Friday night.

And because I work at a job {“my stupid job”that I’d dump in a heartbeat if I could}, I don’t get to hear him/their music.

I miss it. I crave it. I love music and I love his/their music.

I know I shouldn’t.

I know I shouldn’t love anything. Shouldn’t seek pleasures. Shouldn’t feel anything but the pride of enduring shitty/slavish jobs.

Shouldn’t feel anything but the pride of Enduring whatever brutalities and cruelties are tossed upon me through life.

I know this.

I know that by even by wanting more than enslaved drudgery — never mind seeking relief from it for one evening! — I’m betraying … well, fuck it, too complex to explain.

Just sayin’. Pleasure is not an option.

An evening of music: not an option.

Except I made it so.

The gumption it took, the balls, the cajones, the defiance of that deep slave labor-work complex to request a slight alteration in work schedule … this is remarkable! To be celebrated!

And my boss, btw, whom I like, btw: totally agreeable. She didn’t scowl, refuse, argue, deny, write me up or punish me directly or subversively.

And believe you me, authorities have been doing that all my life when I seek a sliver of freedom or pleasure!!

She accommodated.

“Which nights do you need help?” I asked.

“Tuesday or Thursday,” she said.

“Let’s do Tuesdays.”

It was that simple. I like my boss. She’s a refreshing change from cruel dictators.

I’m beginning to ramble. It’s a hazard when trying to write about a very deep subject yet not write about it.

Come Friday nights, I may or may not beat myself for the pleasure of fantastic live music. I hope I don’t but that slave-labor-master complex is embedded.

Or:

I may realize: “Hey, I just loosened the link of my shackle!”

“Maybe there’s something good to be experienced outside of the slave camp.”

“Maybe life wants us to be bigger than what we were given as children and/or by karma.”

“Maybe music truly does heal the soul, even one as battered and beaten and wrecked as mine.”

“Maybe my dad {whom I love to death} is on the other side having to work on these very issues that he imposed upon me, upon others. Maybe his karma’s getting worked on over there as mine is here.”

Dunno.  It’s complicated. It’s a fucking mess.

I just know that a teensy part of me pushed through the wall of drudgery and slavery through the power of music.

My love of music.

This particular musician’s music.

Is that so wrong? Does reaching toward life deserve the firing squad?

Or is it possible that this whole Slave Labor – Work Complex is an illusion … a deep-seated construct designed to oppress and suppress and imprison and control others for ego gratification?

Dunno.

God bless Parker and his boys for their incredible music!

I can’t help thinking that music was gifted to mankind to raise us from our own self-created prisons and darknesses, to uplift and heal.

 

 

The Lord is away … but I doth not play.

I’m free! I’m free! I’m free! I’m free!

Not really. Hardly. Hardly at all.

I’m free — for the moment  — of my roommate. He’s off on an overseas trip for nearly 3 weeks.

Three weeks!! A glorious 20 days or so free of his lordship. He who lords over me in the home.  Lord George.

His absence brings more than R-E-L-I-E-F.

More than breathing space — and, honestly, it gets no more basic than breath, n’est pas?

His absence marks the imminent end of my tenancy (a rented room in his house) by Jan. 31.

I’m still looking for new digs. Still searching for a rental room. Hardly my first choice. Finances dictate. My town’s skyrocketing rental rates dictate.

Can’t but wonder whether my town’ll dictate my departure altogether! Time’ll tell soon.

Living with George has been no walk on the beach. Or in the park. In the trees or along the boardwalk. Pick your pleasure.

Living with him reminds, however, that my highest strength is also my curse: Endurance.

I endure because it is Survival. It’s about survival. It’s always been about survival for reasons deeply rooted in earliest life experiences.

Hence my tendency is to stay in stinky situations too long.

One of the life’s hardest lessons for me has been: Staying too long in a situation — enduring it — does not improve the situation.

I’ve learned through brutal experience that there IS such a thing as beating a dead horse.

I’ve learned that the only person being harmed when giving your own life to revive the horse harms no one but me.

I continue, through hard, sometimes brutal experiences still, this Law of Life:

When it’s time to go, it’s time to go. Overstaying a situation does NOT improve it. It only gets worse.

This, my readers, has been and continues to be one of my hardest lessons this lifetime.

Because ultimately I’m all about Survival.

I hunker down when it’d be better to let go.

I shut down to cope with whatever shit’s being thrown my way.

I internalize. I seethe. I get depressed, suicidal.

My health goes south. Sometimes so dramatically that health issues become more pressing than the very situation that’s causing them!

By Jan. 31 — my exit date from this — it’ll be 5 months living here with George. About 3 months too long.

Overstaying a situation does not improve it! A situation that needs to end is not like wine! It does NOT improve with age!

That’s all I gotta say.

Well, that and YEY! YEY! YEY!!!

He’s away. But this mouse doth not play.

I’m still under enormous stress and pressure to find new digs. Meanwhile, with Lord George away, I can at least breathe.

What a gift. Breath.

Where art thou, safety?

Now this … this is living.

The comforts of home. The basics of home. These things elude me. Always have. Hope they don’t always.

I blog from a couch in another’s home — precisely an airbnb.

My first stay in one. It’s a mere 5 miles from where I reside.

The purpose of last night’s overnighter was to suss out this airbnb as a possible extended short-term stay should I not secure new digs by month’s end, when I exit my current living situation — thank god!!

But, as with all things home- and travel-related, one night at this airbnb (the cheapest of the scant choices in my town, incidentally) reminds me of what’s absent in the home arena: safety.

And that is all I care to say on that.

And so as I relax on this cushy couch in this airbnb, lingering but briefly before heading to work (:-( ), I think: “When was the last time I sat on a couch in another’s home and felt relaxed?”

Not even where I currently live, renting a room in “Jerry’s” home, do I do that.

Not only where I currently live can I do that.

It is time to go.

To work.

Time to go.

Out of “Jerry’s” house and life.

God speed to me — and safety be unto me.

The prison bars are yielding.

The end is in sight!!

Not the end of the world. How many time has that been prophesized through humankind? And been proven wrong, obviously; otherwise, you we all wouldn’t be here.

The end of which I speak is to my living situation, a rental room in Jerry’s (not real name) house.

Five months it’ll be by the time I get out at month’s end. About 3 months too long. Seriously.

What I’ve learned in life the hard way:

Unlike wine, situations do not improve with time and aging.

Repeat: Situations do not improve with time and aging.

If they did, we’d still all be living with our parents!

Lowdown on the Fly

Roommate (and owner of the house) Jerry is a prick. He is NOT Mr. Nice Guy despite appearances. Unless you catch him on the right day. He’s very moody. Like a man with PMS on steroids. You might think he’s gay for his moodiness but he’s not.

His verbal jabs are passive-aggressive, which is more dangerous than outright aggressive.

I could go on but for what purpose? I need him out of my life and to be out of his house. The feeling is mutual.

Remember: Nothing that’s over improves with age. Ever. No situation. No relationship. No job. Nothing. Let it go. Move on. Get and be free.

Uh. Oh.

I gave my 30-days’ notice. Risky as I’ve no idea of my next lodging or — more importantly — whether I’ll even find one! I’ve had it up to here {line across eyeballs} with how fucking difficult housing’s become in my town. Scarce and uber-expensive! Prescott’s becoming a town of Haves and Have-Nots. Like San Francisco back in the 1980s.

Uh. Oh. {redflagredflagredflag}

Fix the Problem

My dad’s dictate. Fix The Problem. no emotion. Just Fix the Problem.

Long is the list of Every Possible and Doable (Housing) Solution Under the Sun that I’m pursuing.

Including … {wait for it} … temp housing including airbnb!

Staaaaaaaay-cation!

Tonight’s my first stay in an airbnb! One night, here in town, mere miles from where I lodge, to check it out as possible lodgings should I not secure something by moth’s end.

And get this!

You can shower in the evening past 9 o’clock!!!!!!

Can you believe it?!?!

“Jerry” my roommate, he’s prohibited me from showering after 9 p.m. The water, he says, will bother him since my bathroom adjoins his bedrooms.

Meanwhile, he can slam as many doors and closets and such as he wishes at 8 a.m. while I’m dead asleep.

Fuck this.

I’m done.

I’m done with “Jerry.” Done with this whole fucking prison.

Adios.

Get me the fuck outta this place!

Into ANYTHING better!

Affordable.

Homey. By my definition. = safe. spacious. privacy.

pop! pop! pop! begins 2017

Bang! goes the beginning of 2017.

I don’t mean the fireworks when the boot dropped on Whiskey Row at midnight — though there was that. (picture the Time Square ball drop on a much smaller scale and a cowboy boot in place of the ball).

Been one bang-up year so far and it’s barely begun!

New Year’s Eve was better than most. After the boot drop, I ventured to (a) the new craft small brewery where (b) I bumped into a cool couple I’d not seen in a while. Good conversation, new friends possibly, good beer — a dandy way to welcome 2017.

New Year’s night. Town’s fairly shut down but discovered a Mexican restaurant that was opened. Intention was to read my book over a cheap beer and free chips and salsa.

Didn’t quite work out. Green Bay Packers were playing — have had my eye on quarterback Aaron Rodgers since he first hit the scene years ago. Not one page of my book got read.

Settling in, I treated myself to a rare proper dinner.

Then when I went to pay, the bartender says: “You know those people who were sitting next to you?”

“Yeah.” We’d chatted a bit.

“They paid for your dinner.”

“What!?” I was flabbergasted. Touched. Shocked really. Once I picked my jaw up off the floor, I said: “I can’t believe it! Never in my life has that happened!!”

My life of 59 years.

“I’ll be paying that forward!”

Amazing. Amazing grace perhaps.

Then there’s housing issues as I attempt to secure new digs. Details unimportant. Suffice it to say it’s been a challenge and a half … and one more half just to complicate it all the more.

But in the past coupla days, things have started to shift, open up more. Leaving me optimistic that I’ll have a place to go that won’t be my car before month’s end.

(love my Subbie but being homeless again … with two jobs … in winter …  deeply problematic.

Stuff percolating on the employment front. Won’t expound at this time so’s not to jinx it.

Oh yeah, I’ve opened a legal case to take my former landlord to court. She done wrong. Her inaction/lack of response as required by law only assists my case.  So that’s good. Though I’m sad legal action’s necessary at all. Wouldn’t be if only people would do the right thing, ya know.

Gotta run.

Just wanted to say things are poppin’ a mere 4 days into 2017. Could be a banner year — for me and definitely will be for America.

Go TRUMP!!!!!

 

 

 

Beverages, bath but no broom

I start the new year as a two-fisted drinker.

In one hand, a sweet Snoopy mug of dark black java splashed with half-and-half. In the other, a plastic purple cup containing a mimosa.

check ’em out … an unlikely pair, their contents imbibed:

cups

And at midmorning a hot bath imbued with Epsom salt and an herbal tincture.

A cleansing and refreshing way to begin 2017.

I didn’t awaken with a hangover. Mindfully kept the New Year’s Eve celebratory imbibing to a minimum: serious swigs of rye whiskey snuck from a flask before the big Whiskey Row boot drop at midnight and a pint of craft beer.

True, those and the late bedtime hour (3 a.m.-ish) cast a rummy quality to my morning. Hence the relaxing and cleansing salt bath. Nothing like beginning a new year with a “clean slate.” (haha)

It’s nothing like what the Japanese do of course. Their o-shogatsu (new year) is their big celebration — akin to our Christmas minus the pervasive crass commercialism and stress on steroids.

Days before New Year’s are traditionally dedicated to wiping the slate clean of debts, deep cleaning inside homes — including windows! — and outside, like sweeping porches and so on. Workplaces give employees time to make their desks / work spaces sparkles before leaving early.

O-sooji it’s called. The Great Clean. (That “o” is honorific.)

Of course these aren’t hard and fast rules that apply to EVERY home and workplace, rather illustrations of the meaning Japanese attach to New Year’s. It’s a time to begin fresh, utterly relax, spend time with family, not cook but dine on foods traditionally reserved for New Year’s, each with deep symbolic meaning, of course.

It’s how Asian cultures do things (and Western cultures don’t).

I’ve actually continued o-sooji since leaving Japan (in body, not spirit!) — as my living situation permits.

For example, in homes owned by someone else where I’m merely renting a room, I’m not about to scrub their homes — don’t forget windows inside and out! — from top to bottom! Not without being paid really really well. Such meticulous work deserves compensation.

But in spaces (studio apartments) where I’ve lived solo, I do undertake o-sooji. I enjoy it: the hard work and satisfaction of a deeply-cleaned space that sparkles. Terrific way to greet any new year!

No o-sooji for me this year since I’m under George’s rules and dictates — soon to change, just gave 30-days notice yesterday. How liberating to shed that burden of our cohabitation on the final day of the year!

In fact, I didn’t even clean my little bedroom window — a modified mini o-sooji! I’m impeccable about keeping “my space” clean all the time anyhow so my bedroom was in no need.

But o-sooji‘s not just about physical stuff — cleanliness, paying debts off by Dec. 31, etc. It’s the spirit.

Anyhow. Year from now, no idea where I’ll be living. Perhaps I’ll be in my own space again and thus free to resume the traditional practice of o-sooji. I hope so. This roommate stuff sucks! Especially at age 59 — soon to be 60!

Anyways. My two-fisted drinks and hot salt bath (to at least o-sooji the body in lieu of a physical space!) partaken with Pandora from an iPad made for a nice, sane — and again hangover-free! — start to 2017.

2017’s gonna be one damn fine year. We got our country back, we here in America. Trump’s the man to LEAD a recovery and return to America exceptionalism.

There’s gonna be an optimism and strength and confidence restored that America hasn’t seen since Reagan (and that Darth Obama intentionally set out to destroy). Mark my words.

Best thing that happened in 2016: America saved itself and elected Trump to steer us forward.

Another reason to celebrate the arrival of 2017! America’s march toward the grave under Obama and socialism is reversed.

May our nation’s turn toward optimism, confidence and fortune flow abundantly into your own life.

And in keeping with Japanese New Year’s tradition: the purification and blessing of the kadomatsu:

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